How to Manage Finances as a Married Couple

Why do married couples see money so differently and how do you avoid letting it become a source of stress?

In this episode of The Wealth Mindset Show, we’re talking about what really drives your financial mindset (hint: it often starts in childhood) and how spouses can work together to build a strong, shared approach to money. Whether you're merging bank accounts or just trying to understand why one of you is a saver and the other’s a spender, this episode's for you!

Here’s what we cover:

• How your background shapes your views on money
• Saver vs. spender (and what to do if you're opposites)
• Should couples combine finances or keep things separate?
• Budgeting and goal setting that works for both of you
• How to talk about money without it turning into a fight
• Planning for the future together: retirement, investing, and more...

For the full video, resources, and show notes, visit thewealthmindsetshow.com/s2e11

➡️Download Free Resource: 8 Timeless Principles to Investing!

🎧Connect & Listen Here: Website | Instagram | Facebook | Spotify | Apple Podcasts

Chapters

• 1:14 Why Couples Approach Money So Differently
• 5:58 To Combine or Not to Combine Finances With Your Spouse
• 11:08 Budgeting & Setting Financial Goals as a Team
• 14:33 Best Financial Communication Practices for Couples
• 17:15 How Married Couples Can Set Goals & Build Wealth Together

Transcript

You are listening to The Wealth Mindset Show where Hixon Zuercher Capital Management's team of finance professionals, portfolio managers, and a life coach come together to tackle complex topics in finance and retirement planning so you don't have to. From investment strategies and wealth management to tax planning, retirement income, and aligning your money with your values and purpose, The Wealth Mindset Show offers the tools to thrive.

Austin Wilson:

All right. Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to The Wealth Mindset Show where our Hixon Zuercher team will have conversations on managing wealth, navigating retirement, making smart decisions for a secure, meaningful future. I'm Austin Wilson, Director of Investments at Hixon Zuercher Capital Management.

Josh Robb:

And I'm Josh Robb, Director of Wealth Management at Hixon Zuercher Capital Management. And today we're joined again by Jessica Hinks, our senior wealth advisor here, and where you're going to be talking about managing finances with your spouse. And so all three of us here are married to a spouse, so we thought we would be the experts at talking about this.

Austin Wilson:

We have it all figured out.

Josh Robb:

We all have spouses.

Jessica Hinks:

They were all going to have three guys on the podcast, and I said, "No. I don't think it's going to work for this one. Just don't think it's going to work."

Josh Robb:

We need a different perspective here. So I'll-

Austin Wilson:

But I guess this could be the shortest episode ever because we all do it perfectly, and I've never had any disagreements, right?

Josh Robb:

Yes, that's true.

Austin Wilson:

Okay, good. Well, we'll see you next... Oh, wait...

Josh Robb:

We can tell how we do that.

[1:14] - Why Couples Approach Money So Differently

 Austin Wilson:

Yeah, we can tell you how we do that. All right, we're going to break this down to a handful of topics and just delve into some thoughts that we all have on this. The first is just understanding each other's money mindset. Every spouse in a relationship is going to think of things a little bit differently. So just any thoughts on why couples approach money so differently?

Josh Robb:

Well, there's two main groups of people, spenders and savers, and they kind of fall into those two buckets, and neither of those is better than the other. Spender and saver have strengths and weaknesses, and it's really just how they prioritize certain things. And so first understanding how you and your spouse approach from that standpoint brings you to understanding why there's certain actions that happen.

So a saver, preservation/protection is very important. They feel safer when they are saving or storing money. A spender, their safety comes in the ability to spend, and so they're not spending because they don't care. That's one way of feeling secure in that I can buy this, because I'm not worried. And so understanding the mindset helps understand those approaches. And you could have two savers, you could have two spenders, you could have a saver and spender, and there's different ways you guys are going to have to communicate depending on how the two of you approach money.

Jessica Hinks:

And you can grow up in the same household and have siblings who are spenders or savers, so a lot of it has to do with your upbringing, but not all of it. I think some of it's just kind of built into who we are, as well.

Josh Robb:

I mean, I have four kids and they're all getting to be ages where they can at least comprehend parts of money and how it works. And they all approach it differently, and they've all been raised the same by my wife and I, and some of them are saver mindset mentality, some are spender mindset mentalities. And it's not a boy/girl thing. It's not anything that has to do with anything besides they're just who they are, how they're made, and kind of their own perspective on money.

Jessica Hinks:

Yeah, there's one that's trying to hustle their siblings out of chore money.

Josh Robb:

Yeah, working through it, but it's also influence from the environment. So you can then build your mind or idea of how you view money based on circumstances, but your kind of base level is saving, spending, and that's kind of pre-built into you.

Austin Wilson:

I think another thing that happens is that over time you'll start to rub off on each other a little bit. So maybe you're one's a saver and one's a spender, but over time you know how each other operates and how each other thinks. And you can take the better aspects of the spender and the better aspects of the saver and kind of work together to be able to enjoy both components of it, which I think is interesting. Because I would say, as I'm sitting here right now, Jenna and I are both pretty good at both now, but I think we both had different... We've both looked at things completely different in the past, but now we can both be savers and spenders, which is super hard to explain, but it's true.

Josh Robb:

Well, it's like working out any muscle, right? Yeah, you can improve and get better at something, but some things are easier than others. And so if I'm good at one sport, it doesn't mean I'm good at all sports. I'm going to have to work to improve a different skillset. And so that's the same as if I'm really good at saving, I can become a good spender with good positive spending habits, but I'm going to have to work at it. I'm going to have to be diligent and aware of those things.

Jessica Hinks:

And you had said there's two different kinds of people, spenders and savers, but there's also the other side of the coin where there's conservative and risk-takers. And spenders are not always risk-takers. So those are two different things, as well, and that's something we see very differently with couples, as well. And we have clients come in here all the time doing risk assessments, and the vast majority of the time the husband is the more aggressive investor.

But honestly I would say maybe a fourth of the time, the wife will say, "I don't really have an opinion, whatever he wants, whatever he says." And I think that is a learned response. Because I've seen some of our clients, we've had multi-generational families, and women who have grown through investing and learned, they raise daughters who have opinions on risk. So that part I do think is learned, not necessarily ingrained.

Josh Robb:

And some of it comes with trust. Sometimes they're saying, "I'm indifferent," not because it's the "I don't care." It's "I've turned that piece over and am not worried about it, so I actually am indifferent to the decision my spouse is going to make, because I trust them that they'll do what's best."

Jessica Hinks:

Yeah, but I also feel like everyone has an opinion on risk. You can trust your spouse fully-

Josh Robb:

Yeah, you just got to pull it out.

Jessica Hinks:

... and still have an opinion that deserves to be heard. Your spouse wants to know.

[5:58] - To Combine or Not to Combine Finances with Your Spouse

 Austin Wilson:

Yes, absolutely. All right, so next up is the hot topic of the conversation here. Should you or should you not combine your finances? So we're talking about whether that be joint accounts, keeping them separate, hybrid approach. What are your guys' thoughts on that? And I'll give you mine at the end.

Josh Robb:

Okay.

Jessica Hinks:

I feel like you should go first.

Austin Wilson:

Okay, I can go first.

Josh Robb:

Go first.

Austin Wilson:

I'm going to sound... Okay, so we had an episode, we'll link in the show notes, of where areas we disagree with Dave Ramsey, right? This is one area I agree with him pretty much wholeheartedly. I don't think, A, you should combine finances at all until you're married. And I believe that once you're married, if you can shave a bed... If you can shave a bed. If you can share a bed, you can share a savings account, a checking account, and you should be fully aligned and fully joint on everything. My opinion, it works in my house. I'm not necessarily saying it works for everyone, but I think that that is the easiest way to work together for goals within in a fully transparent manner.

Josh Robb:

Jessica, what do you think?

Jessica Hinks:

I think the easiest way is to have a joint account, but I also want to be just cognizant of the lives that people have. Sometimes you have couples who've gone through adulthood already, they're getting married later in life, they have fully established plans already. Maybe eventually they'll get to a joint account, but it can take time to unify those goals. And you're not meeting with your financial advisor, necessarily, while you're dating and stuff like that to-

Austin Wilson:

Maybe you should be.

Jessica Hinks:

Yeah. So I think it can be a little harder for couples getting married later in life. Now, if you got married in college, or you married young, you're almost entering in financial maturity together, and why not enter it in jointly at that point? You're just kind of entering into adulthood together.

Austin Wilson:

You have no money together at the beginning, and you end up with money together later.

Jessica Hinks:

Yeah, absolutely. It makes a difference if you're meeting at a point of scarcity or excess, as well. But I have seen more and more success with people who essentially do everything jointly, share expenses jointly, but perhaps they each have their own small individual savings account just for the selfish stuff, so you don't have to feel like that one thing you're saving for needs to be debated or reprioritized over and over again. You can just get it if you save for it, but, of course, that can be joint information.

Josh Robb:

Yes, and that's where I land is I think you should share joint financial goals and have an open financial conversation. Now whether you use combined accounts, have separate accounts, transparency to me is the most important piece. So if you have a shared financial conversation and it's completely open about everything, then whether you link the accounts, share them, you split expenses and each pay for stuff, I'm less concerned about that. More so that the conversation is I'm not hiding anything.

And you don't, again, have to go line item, here's everything I bought last month, but here's our spending goals, here's our saving goals, and together we're meeting those goals. And the other one is just for, and again, as modern age comes, my wife and I share a Amazon account. So come Christmastime, buying a present and keeping a secret can be somewhat hard.

Austin Wilson:

Challenging, yeah.

Josh Robb:

And if you share bank accounts and share credit card accounts, "Hey, what was this transaction?" "Well, don't worry about it. That's a present." And it comes to, and this is what we've decided is, because we do share all of our accounts, is-

Jessica Hinks:

It just irresponsible not to share an Amazon account, for the record.

Josh Robb:

Yes. Oh, yeah. Cost-wise, it just-

Austin Wilson:

We don't do that.

Josh Robb:

So what we just say, my wife will send me a text and say, "Hey, don't look at the recent orders. I ordered something for you." And it's just a heads-up that, "Hey, if you want to be surprised, don't go look at that." Or if I get the alert that, hey, it's shipping, "Don't open up to see what's shipping." And so during Christmas-time or holidays, I just ignore the Amazon account.

Jessica Hinks:

Josh is the only person that would work for.

Austin Wilson:

Everyone else would be like-

Jessica Hinks:

Everyone else would be-

Josh Robb:

If someone says, "Don't look at it," don't look at it.

Austin Wilson:

Oh, man, I think that gifts is the-

Josh Robb:

You'll open it.

Austin Wilson:

... hardest thing with joint accounts.

Josh Robb:

The gifts are.

Austin Wilson:

If your credit card's a joint card, one account, if your bank account's the same, then it is really, really hard to surprise someone. So we've actually fixed that problem by just not buying each other gifts.

Jessica Hinks:

That's romantic.

Josh Robb:

Just don't be curious.

Austin Wilson:

I know. I know.

Josh Robb:

Just don't be curious.

Austin Wilson:

I know. Don't be curious.

Josh Robb:

Be surprised later.

Austin Wilson:

Have you ever thought about how your financial choices reflect what truly matters to you? At Hixon Zuercher Capital Management, we believe that integrating your values and dreams with your financial future is key to achieving peace of mind and confidence. When you engage in deep conversations with us, you'll start to see how your money can support the things that matter the most in your life.

Our holistic approach means that your financial plan is more than just numbers. It's a personalized blueprint that evolves with you. You'll have a dedicated team of professionals tailored to your unique needs, all focused on crafting an investment portfolio designed to help you achieve your specific goals. Plus, our on-staff retirement life coach offers guidance to empower you toward a fulfilling retirement that goes beyond just financial security. Ready to transform your relationship with money? Join us at hzcapital.com and let's embark on this journey together. Now back to the show.

[11:08] - Budgeting & Setting Financial Goals as a Team

 Austin Wilson:

All right, next topic. Setting goals as a team, obviously very important. Like we just mentioned, that's really the important part when you're talking about however you get to the end goal, it's just doing it together as a team, being on the same page. So let's talk about creating a budget for both people. Any thoughts on that? Now, Jess, you're the financial advisor without a budget, so how do you guys do that?

Jessica Hinks:

Yeah, I literally wrote a blog called The Financial Advisor Without a Budget.

Austin Wilson:

I know. That's what I was referencing there.

Jessica Hinks:

I caught on. I became famous for that one.

Josh Robb:

We're going to link that in the show notes, too. It's my favorite blog. It gives me permission not to have a budget.

Jessica Hinks:

The reason why we can operate a healthy family financial life without a budget is because we have clear goals. So we know exactly how much we're saving. We set a set percentage in our 401k's, we know exactly how many dollars we want to go in our 529s on our HSA. And if that is set up automatically to happen, we just know then what we're left with. And that's kind of free spending, right? Now, we don't make any big purchases without telling the other individual about it, but if all your needs and goals are met, yeah, you can kind of do that.

Josh Robb:

And I think that's important is setting the expectation of how much can I spend before we need to have a conversation.

Jessica Hinks:

We don't actually have a number. It's just a feeling. But you probably should have a number.

Josh Robb:

You've come to an agreement, though, right? You both probably have an understanding of-

Jessica Hinks:

Yeah, a range.

Josh Robb:

... Somewhere in this range, I'm going to at least bring it up that I'm thinking about it. And that may vary for everybody based on where you're at, your income, all that.

Jessica Hinks:

And my number is way higher than Will's.

Josh Robb:

Yeah, that's all right. That's all right. And some of it, too, is based on, what is it? So I got four kids. If we're buying school clothes, that dollar amount is different in that month than any other month you're buying clothes for our family. So it's like that conversation is just that's happening because it has to happen in the end.

But then maybe three or four months from there, if it's like, "Hey, I'm thinking about getting new cleats for three of the kids," which happens because they all continue to grow, it's like, "Okay, those are going to be kind of expensive. Let's think about how we're going to do that." But, yeah, having agreed upon spending limit, or at least having an idea of I can do this. And, again, as a couple, it's not that one has to ask permission from the other, it's just an open, honest communication to say, "Hey-"

Jessica Hinks:

Courtesy.

Josh Robb:

It's a courtesy, it's a making sure it fits in with a plan, because if I say, "Hey, I'm looking at buying this," and then my spouse says, "Oh, I was also thinking of buying that," it'd be good to know before you both make that purchase in the same month. So, again, you're right, it's conversation. It's not permission from one to the other. It's just planning together for expenses.

Austin Wilson:

Yeah, I kind of align with where Jess is on not a formal budget kind of thinking. We know how much we need to save, and we set that aside, but then we just have a general bucket of all other spending, and that if as long as we're hitting that, we're happy. And so that can go, obviously, to necessities like groceries and clothes and stuff, but, hey, if we have some money leftover, we can go buy something we want, and it's not a problem.

And, typically, I typically think, I probably... I mean we do a really good job of saying, "Hey, can I buy whatever?" And it's not a permission thing. It's just a little bit more than I would probably buy without saying something. So if it's 100 bucks, or whatever, I'm going to say something to you. It's a courtesy thing. So how do you guys communicate with your spouse’s when you're talking about finances? Do you guys have set meetings? How's that work? Do you just use it in an app and you don't ever have to talk about it?

[14:33] - Best Financial Communication Practices for Couples

Josh Robb:

Yeah, when we're talking about just ongoing finances, a lot of times it revolves around our schedule. So for my wife and I, again, with our four kids and are pretty busy, a lot of times on the weekend when we're looking at the next week, we're talking about our calendar. Within that calendar becomes conversation of spending. So if we're doing an event with a kid that costs money, that draws in the finance conversation.

Or my wife will say, "Oh, I need to do a big shopping trip. I'm going to go up to Costco. That's happening this week." Then we can have a conversation about that. So, to me, it revolves around our calendar and what's coming up so we know extra expenses that may be happening. "Oh, you know what? This week the kids have a dentist appointment." Okay, that's an expense that we need to be aware of. That's how we do it.

Jessica Hinks:

Yeah, and we're really lucky in the sense that we can get lunch together once or twice a week, which is really nice, my husband and I. And he leaves his job as a financial analyst in corporate America, and I leave my job as a certified financial planner. So we're just coming off our finance jobs, and we inevitably start talking finance at lunch. And I realize it's not so easy for everyone, nor is it so enjoyable for everyone. Not everyone can sit over a Subway sandwich and have a good time talking about-

Josh Robb:

To bring calculators and be ready to go.

Jessica Hinks:

... And have good time talking about finance. And for some people, not only do they not like it, it creates true anxiety for them to talk about finance. And if that's your spouse, you need to recognize and honor that. Don't force them to talk about it all the time.

Josh Robb:

They shouldn't dread the conversation.

Austin Wilson:

Right. Right.

Jessica Hinks:

No. Have a serious sit down about it, set your goals, formally, stick with it, and then just revisit it as necessary. And that's for some people, it's just schedule your semi-annual meeting with your financial advisor, and that could be when you formally revisit it. You don't have to hit it every week if you really don't want to.

Josh Robb:

And you don't have to get into all the weeds of everything. Once you set some of those saving plans, they're good.

Austin Wilson:

You can let them roll, yeah.

Josh Robb:

It's there. You're right. So adjusting the conversation length and topics based on where you're at, what you need, and then making sure both parties are coming into it with the right idea, attitude, and has all the data they need for that conversation.

Austin Wilson:

Yeah, we're in a similar situation where it's almost ad hoc. We don't do it. We don't have a regular scheduled meeting, we're going to get together, but we'll point out at each other, "Hey, we're doing okay on this." Where we need to, "Hey, just we're getting a little expensive this month. Let's just watch it for the next couple of weeks." I'm not doing anything that we don't need, or whatever. But as long as we're agreed upon here's the clear goals we have for the long term, we're hitting all those targets, and, hey, we've got some leftover, we can do something fun, then I think it's a good thing as long as you're on the same page.

[17:15] - How Married Couples Can Set Goals & Build Wealth Together

 Austin Wilson:

So, let's talk about the final topic, which is planning for the future together. So this is obviously very important, and we kind of alluded to it earlier, but obviously the goal as a couple is to build wealth together, secure that financial future together. That could be retirement, that could be all kinds of things. So, Jess, this is a great... I think you do this very well with your clients, but how do you balance couples and aligning risk tolerance and strategies and putting all those pieces of the puzzle together to make financial plans?

Jessica Hinks:

When it comes to risk tolerances and balancing it, if people have an investment strategy that's well explained to them, and they see that they have goals, and they have dollars invested specifically for those purposes, they get comfortable. Even if they don't think it's within their risk tolerance at first, if there's a plan and it's invested towards it, you can get there.

But I just think it's all about just helping people solve the most important questions in the order of what needs addressed. Help people figure out their estate plan first, because once it's too late, it's too late. And, two, help people get their goals set up. And after that, help them along with more financial education, but just knock out the big stuff first, bite at a time.

Austin Wilson:

Absolutely.

Josh Robb:

And setting the goals, making sure both people have input into those goals, because like you said, a lot of times one of the spouses tends to lead the conversation, but what you don't want to do is let that be the only voice within setting goals. So if we're talking about ours, we're talking right now about clients, but we talk about our relationship, make sure that whoever... A lot of times I think the three of us at the table, because this is our passion, are passionate about it. We're going to express our voices, but that's not always the case.

Make sure both voices are heard, right? Ask the question, "Hey, here's what I was thinking. Do you have anything besides that, or in addition to that, or instead of that you want to make sure that we're considering?" And having that conversation is important, and you almost have to force yourself to not just include your own goals. Because we're very good at keeping an eye our own goals and setting our own future plans, but we got to make sure, since we're a couple, we're counting both of us and not just driving or dragging them towards our desired outcome.

Austin Wilson:

Right. How does that relate to when we're talking about estate planning? So how important is it to be on the same page there?

Josh Robb:

Very important. I mean, especially when you have little kids, because some of those conversations are guardians, who gets this.

Austin Wilson:

Yeah, who would get the kids if something were to happen.

Josh Robb:

That is a big conversation.

Jessica Hinks:

What I find is interesting is, oftentimes, like I said, women don't have as much input on investment management.

Josh Robb:

They care a lot about that.

Jessica Hinks:

They always care about the estate plan. When it comes to their legacy or how their family's going to be taken care of, there's always an opinion there. I think it's because women care about the people they love more so about their portfolios.

Austin Wilson:

And I think that would also align with it being probably very important for specifically women, in a lot of cases, to prepare for those life changes that are coming up. That could be planning for your kids and maybe your kids' futures, because focusing on them, that is something that's natural. Or aging parents, very easy, soft spot where it takes someone with a lot of compassion and a lot of caring to be able to focus on that and to make it a priority, where it's easy for someone like me, I'm like, numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers. No, the soft side of things is so important when you're planning for those life changes, as well.

Josh Robb:

Yeah. All right, well, I think that's pretty good summary for talking with your spouse about finances. Again, the key is open, honest conversations. If you approach it not in a, "Hey, I want to point out all the things you're doing wrong in finances," that's not a good conversation and not a healthy way.

Austin Wilson:

Right.

Josh Robb:

But to say, "Together let's come to an agreement on where we're trying to go and then let's set a way of getting there."

Jessica Hinks:

Lots and lots of grace and always remember you're working as a team. You're not in opposition.

Josh Robb:

Right.

Austin Wilson:

You're never going to arrive and do it perfectly. You just have to work together to get there over the long term. But, yeah, thanks for listening. This was a great conversation. Thanks, Jess, for joining us today. If you found value in our conversation, don't forget to subscribe to The Wealth Mindset Show that's available everywhere, all podcast platforms. So check that out.

Visit us at TheWealthMindsetShow.com for more resources. And if you're ready to invest with us, head over to hzcapital.com. We would love to see if we could be a fit for you, and maybe you want a financial advisor to walk through your finances with your spouse. Maybe we would be a good fit. So, check that out and stay connected on social media. Otherwise, we'll catch up next episode. Talk to you next time. Bye.

Thank you for joining us at The Wealth Mindset Show where we tackle the complexities of finance and life planning to help you align your wealth with your values. We hope today's conversation provided value and clarity as you navigate your financial journey. Your hosts work for Hixon Zuercher Capital Management, and all opinions expressed by them or any podcast guest are solely their own and do not reflect the opinions of Hixon Zuercher Capital Management.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be relied upon for investment decisions. Clients of Hixon Zuercher Capital Management may maintain positions in the securities discussed in this podcast. There is no guarantee that statements, opinions, or forecasts provided herein will prove to be correct. Past performance may not be indicative of future results. Indices are not available for direct investment, and any investor attempting to mimic index performance would incur fees and expenses that could reduce returns. Securities investing involves risks, including the potential loss of principle, and there is no assurance that any investment plan or strategy will be successful.